


Trying Again

by AutisticWriter



Series: Mental Illness Headcanons [5]
Category: The Fast Show
Genre: Ableist Language, Angst, Background Billy Bleach/Original Female Character, Background Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Background Relationships, Bisexual Male Character, Blood, Crying, Cutting, Disabled Character, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Gen, Homophobic Language, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Misgendering, Multiple Sclerosis, Nightmares, One Shot, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Self-Harm, Sequel, Swearing, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Walking Canes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 10:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8441983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: When Archie meets Billy's new girlfriend, he soon finds his world turning upside down. A sequel to Saved.





	

“You know I was telling you about my girlfriend,” Billy said, grinning as he approached Archie in the pub.

“Yeah?” Archie said.

“Well, here she is!” Billy cried, and he stepped to the side and let Archie see her.

This woman must have been about Billy’s age, and her hair was the same shade of Archie’s (well, the bit which hasn’t gone grey yet). She smiled at him, and he shook her hand.

“Hi,” she said, “I’m Amy.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said.

She smiled, and there was something oddly familiar about her smile. But he was probably just imagining it.

\---

“Had any luck with your daughter, Arch?” Billy asked him sometime later. They were sat at their table in the corner of the pub, each of them nursing a drink.

Archie shook his head. “Nah.”

When she looked confused, Archie had to explain to Amy what Billy meant. He told her about trying to get in contact with his long lost daughter, but not being able to find her.

“I last saw her when she was ten, so she must be about forty now,” he explained, smiling sadly.

“You poor thing,” Amy said. “My parents divorced when I was ten. Dad said Mum wasn’t right in the head and moved away and took me with him. I never saw her again.”

She patted Archie’s forearm, and he winced.

“What’d I do?” Amy asked, alarmed.

Archie saw Billy staring at him, and silently begged Billy not to say anything; judging by the look on his face, Billy had worked out what was wrong. Namely, that Archie had cut himself, and Amy had touched the sore cut. Luckily, Billy said nothing, but he raised his eyebrows.

Archie took another sip of his lemonade (still alcohol free thanks to his meds) and sighed.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” he said. “You were saying?”

“Um, yeah, I... I was going to say that I understand how you feel. It’s horrible, isn’t it?”

Archie nodded, sighing. “Yeah. Would you like to see a picture of us?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Smiling, Archie took the photo he treasured out of his wallet. It was a photo of him (seeing himself before transitioning made him a bit anxious, but he tried to ignore it), his ex-husband and his daughter, Amy, all looking so happy.

“This was about a year before I lost contact...” Archie trailed off, realising that Amy wasn’t listening. She was just staring with wide eyes at the photo. “You alright?”

“Amy?” Billy asked.

“Where the fuck did you get that?” She said slowly.

“What? It’s mine. What’re you talking about?” Archie asked, confused.

“But, but... I saw that photo in my Nan’s house. That’s me in that photo, and my mum and my dad, not you,” Amy said.

“That’s _you_?” Billy gasped, looking between the pair of them like he was watching a tennis match.

“But, but that’s not possible...” Amy whispered, staring at Archie.

He met her eyes, unable to believe what was happening. Her eyes were the same colour as his too. Did this really mean...?

“Mum?” Amy said, and Archie’s chest tightened. He didn’t know how to even begin to correct her, but, thankfully, Billy stepped in to help.

“Um, Amy, you can’t call Archie that,” he said. “He’s a bloke. That’s called mis-gendering, and it’s actually really offensive.”

Archie gave Billy a grateful smile.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t know,” Amy said. “But, seriously, is that—” She pointed at Archie in the photo. “—is that you?”

Archie nodded slowly. He still couldn’t believe it. Was this woman, his best friend’s girlfriend, his long lost daughter? Amy looked just as shocked.

“Is this why Dad divorced you?” Amy asked cautiously.

Archie nodded again, feeling his eyes prickle a bit. He remembered telling his husband about thinking he might have been trans (not that he knew that was the name for it back them), and his husband freaking out big time, yelling at him and demanding a divorce. Amy didn’t know exactly what had happened between them; all that his husband had said what that Archie was mad, and he was dangerous to live with, so they moved away as quickly as they could.

“Yeah,” he said weakly, blinking rapidly. “So, do you still think I’m mental?”

“Of course I don’t,” Amy said, and she gave his hand a squeeze. “I know everything now, and I understand just what you’ve been through. And I just feel so bad that you’ve had to go through so much of your life alone because Dad was horrible to you.”

Archie smiled, his eyes filling with tears. “Thanks. Thanks so much.”

\---

To Archie’s complete amazement, Amy was true to her word. She was with Billy the next night in the pub, and the night after that. The third time Archie saw her, she went one step further and gave him a hug. He stared at her, stunned; it had been so long since someone had hugged him that he had almost forgotten what it felt like.

“Hello, Archie,” she said, grinning.

“H-Hello,” he said.

“Archie, please get it into your head that I don’t think you’re weird,” Amy said, raising her eyebrows.

“Sorry,” Archie said, breaking eye contact. “I know that, but I just find it so hard to trust people.”

“You trust me, though, don’t you?” Billy asked.

“Yeah, but until every person in the world saves my life, I think I’m going to struggle to trust people.”

“Fair point,” Billy said.

They all sat down at their usual table. Archie saw that Amy looked very confused.

“What’s the matter?” He asked.

“You said Billy saved your life,” Amy said slowly.

“Yeah, I did.”

“So... did he actually stop you dying?”

Archie nodded, meeting Billy’s eyes. “Yeah, he did.”

“That’s amazing!” Amy cried, flinging her arms around Billy. She turned to Archie, looking suddenly serious. “Can I ask how? But you don’t have to say if you don’t want to.”

Archie sighed, and launched into the story of how Billy had stopped him committing suicide. It was pathetic, really, but, by the time he had finished speaking, he felt on the verge of tears. Amy had tears in her eyes.

“You poor thing,” she said, and she gave him another hug. “Is that when you became friends?”

“Yeah,” Billy said, patting Archie’s arm. “When I’d patched him up, we went and had a long chat. And then, yeah, we sort of became friends, and we still are.”

Archie smiled weakly, so glad he had Billy; in the past, things had been so bad that he really didn’t know what he would have done without him. And, to be honest, he still didn’t know what he would do without Billy.

\---

One day, Archie received a phone call from the fishing club telling him they had found his equipment. Not that long ago, someone had nicked all his gear, so fishing had become a bit impossible. But now he was going to be able to go back, and this fact was already helping to improve his mood.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel horribly nervous as he went back to the club for the first time in nearly four months. The last time he had been here, Stan had been funny with him, but Archie had to hope he would have got over that by now.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t. As Archie went up to Stan (lugging his fishing gear the manager had been storing in the communal locker with him), he saw Stan grimace.

“Hi, Stan,” he said, forcing himself to sound cheerful.

Stan took a couple of steps backwards, looking... scared. Why would he be scared?

“H-Hello, Archie,” Stan said awkwardly. “What’re you doing here?”

“They found my gear,” he said, the smile sliding from his face. “I can actually fish again now, so I thought I’d come back.”

“But, but... are you allowed to come back?” Stan asked, shuffling backwards again.

“What’d you mean?” Archie asked.

“I mean,” Stan said, lowering his voice. “Are you allowed out? Are you here on your own?”

Stan glanced around the room, as though looking for someone who wasn’t here. Archie looked too, and saw several people looking as freaked out as Stan.

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I thought... well... aren’t you living in a mental hospital?”

Archie stared at him, his eyes widening. “What?”

“I mean... you’re mental, right? You tried to slit your throat in the pub bogs.”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Archie said, his cheeks flushing. His hands automatically went up to his neck, and the small scar hidden by his collar.

“Word gets around, mate,” Stan said.

“I’m not mental,” Archie said, forcing himself to keep his voice low. “I’m depressed. And I’ve never been in a mental hospital.”

Stan stepped backwards again. And then a smile suddenly broke out across his face. A few seconds later, he was laughing, and Archie knew he didn’t believe him.

He couldn’t take this anymore. Trying to ignore the jeers, Archie hurried out of the club without looking back.

\---

He managed to hold back his tears as he chucked his stuff in the boot of his car and drove to Billy’s house, but he broke down as he made his way down the garden path. Knocking on the front door, he pressed his hands to his face and tried to control the sobs, but they were too strong.

The door opened, and Archie found himself staring at Rose, Billy’s mum. She stood there for a few seconds, just watching him cry. And then she said, “What’s wrong, darling? Do you want Billy?”

Archie nodded, clamping his hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs. Mrs Bleach yelled for Billy over her shoulder, and then led Archie into the living room. He sank onto the sofa, still sobbing, hating how pathetic he was. Billy came into the room a few seconds later. His eyes widened when he saw him.

“Archie?” He said. “What’re you doing here? What’s the matter?”

Billy sat down beside him, and put his hand on his shoulder. When Archie managed to control his breathing, he sobbed his way through an explanation of what had just happened. By the time he had finished, Billy was shaking with anger.

“The bastard,” he muttered through gritted teeth. “Come on, Arch, it’s all right, mate.”

Archie leaned his head against Billy’s shoulder, wishing Billy’s words were true. But they weren’t, and he knew that nothing was fucking all right. It never was, and it was so unfair.

\---

As they made their way down the garden path, Archie must have looked as anxious as he felt, because Amy linked arms with him and smiled reassuringly.

“We’ll be all right,” she said. “Uncle Rob’s great.”

Archie smiled weakly, not so sure. He couldn’t help but be a bit doubtful of his younger brother, because Robert had never tried to find him, and probably believed the lies his wanker of an ex-husband had told both of their families. Billy squeezed his shoulder and smiled too. Archie tried his best to smile back, despite feeling like he was about to puke.

They reached the door and Amy knocked. About a minute later, the door opened, and a man Archie had never seen before appeared before them.

“Hi, Amy!”

“Hi, Uncle Charlie,” Amy said, giving him a hug.

The man called Charlie was wearing green pyjamas, and was leaning on a walking stick. His dark brown hair was grey at the temples, and he had dark bags under his eyes. He looked about five years younger than Archie, so he was probably the same age as Robert. He looked past Amy and saw Billy and Archie, and smiled a slightly confused smile.

“This is Billy, my boyfriend,” Amy said, “And—”

“You’ve got a boyfriend?” Charlie said, sounding delighted. “That’s brilliant, darling! Pleased to meet you,” he added, holding out his hand for Billy to shake.

“Pleased to meet you too,” Billy said, smiling.

“And this is Archie,” Amy said, gesturing to Archie, who, until then, had been doing his best to hide behind Billy.

With some reluctance, Archie stepped forwards and shook Charlie’s hand.

“Hello,” he said as cheerfully as he could.

“Hi,” Charlie said, clearly puzzled by his awkward behaviour. “Well, then... would you like to come in?”

“Please,” Amy said, and Charlie stepped to the side to let them through the front door.

“Hey, Rob!” Charlie yelled up the stairs as he led them through the hallway, leaning heavily on his stick, his leg dragging slightly. “Amy’s here! And she’s got a boyfriend!”

“That’s great!” Robert called from somewhere upstairs. “Be down in a minute!”

Charlie took them into the living room. Archie sat down on the sofa between Amy and Billy, clasping his trembling hands together. About a minute later, Archie heard footsteps on the stairs, and then his brother came into the room. Robert, if Archie ignored the wrinkles and the greying hair, looked the same as he did when he last saw him over thirty years ago. He grinned when he saw Amy, giving her a hug, and introduced himself to Billy and Archie.

“So,” he said as he sat down next to Charlie, “what do you want to talk about? You sounded serious on the phone. Has something bad happened?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Amy said, smiling. “It’s something good. We just need your help, because you might be able to help us.”

“What’s it about, then?”

“Well,” Amy glanced at Archie; an apologetic look crossed her face. “We need you to tell us all you know about your sister.”

Archie understood the apologetic look now; Amy was obviously saying sorry for mis-gendering him.

Robert frowned. “My sister? You mean Annie? I haven’t seen her for thirty years. Your Dad told us all she was, in his words, ‘nuts’ and you two had moved away to stay safe.”

Archie felt his eyes stinging, and gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe that his ex had told everyone the same lie. Billy patted his arm.

“Of course, I missed her, and I wanted to see her, but no one would tell me how to get in contact. After a few years, I gave up, ‘cause I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere. To be honest, I didn’t really believe your Dad, but you know him – you can’t argue with him.”

Amy nodded in agreement; Archie knew for a fact that he had always been an irritatingly stubborn git.

“So,” Robert said, frowning, “why’re you asking me about this?”

Amy took a deep breath. “It’s because I met Billy’s friend Archie last week, and, well, we think he might be my long lost parent.”

Robert’s eyes widened. Beside him, Charlie looked stunned. They both stared at Archie.

“Annie?” Robert said softly.

Archie winced, and Billy launched into his explanation about being transgender and mis-gendering. Archie always loved that Billy knew all this stuff (and was happy to tell people when Archie was too tired or scared to say it himself), because it showed how much Billy really cared about him, and that they really were friends.

“Shit, sorry,” Robert babbled when Billy had finished. “I mean, Archie. I just... I can’t believe it’s you.”

“Well, it is,” Archie said, smiling weakly.

“Bloody hell, I just, I... I don’t know what to say. It’s so great to see you.”

“It’s great to see you too,” he said, really meaning it. He was just so glad that another member of his family still loved him.

“We worked it out because of this photo,” Amy said. “Archie showed me a photo and I saw the same one in Nan’s house years ago, and it suddenly clicked.”

Archie dug into his wallet and pulled out the photo. “This one, look.”

Robert took the photo and looked at it. “Yeah, I’ve got the same one somewhere. That’s definitely Amy and her dad—”

“And that’s definitely me,” Archie added.

“So,” Billy said. “You think their stories both match up?”

“Yeah, totally,” Robert said, nodding. “It makes so much sense. And it’s great to see you after all these years,” he added to Archie. “You know, I may not have recognised you at first, but now I know it’s you, I can tell. Your eyes... they’re the same shade as mine – and Amy’s too. They’re our family’s eyes. Archie?” Robert paused, looking at him awkwardly. “Can I hug you?”

“Yeah,” Archie said, trying to ignore how stunned he felt. “Yeah, if you want.”

Archie felt his eyes stinging as his Robert moved forwards and put his arms around him. Instantly, he was reminded of all of the times he and his brother had hugged when they were young: when one of them was hurt, or sad, when they went to their granddad’s funeral, when Robert’s girlfriend dumped him. It was almost like they had gone back forty years... and then Robert pulled away, and Archie saw his greying hair and his wrinkles, and he knew that, of course, that hadn’t happened.

“Are you all right, Arch?” Billy asked.

Archie nodded. “Yeah, think so.”

He was just so amazed. After all of the shit that had happened to him, to have both his daughter and his brother back in the space of two weeks was absolutely amazing – it was almost unbelievable. But it wasn’t, it was true, and as this realisation sank in, he found tears running down his face.

\---

Unfortunately, not every plan of theirs went so well. When they parked on the road outside the house, Archie felt his chest tighten. He felt so sick. He wanted to back out, but Billy was here, and Archie knew he wasn’t going to let him. Taking a deep breath, Archie looked at his daughter and his best friend, and the both gave him reassuring smiles. But he still felt like he was going to puke.

They reached the front door, and Amy knocked. A man Archie recognised as his ex-husband, Dan, answered the door.

“Hi, darling,” he said to Amy, and she kissed him on the cheek. “Hi Billy,” he added, and they both shook hands. Then he saw Archie, “Who’s this?”

“Dad, this is Archie, our... friend,” she said, and he let them in.

Archie soon found himself sat on the sofa beside Billy, trying to ignore the urge to dig into one of his scabs and hurt himself even more. Being in Dan’s house was making him feel awful; he needed to go, but, at the same time, he knew he needed to stay. He looked at Dan; he looked much the same as he did thirty years ago, except his thick hair was grey and he was a bit chubbier.

“Dad,” Amy said. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“What is it, darling?” Dan asked.

“Well, I met Billy’s friend Archie the other night, and, well, after we got talking, we realised that he’s my other parent,” Amy babbled, using wonderfully tactful gender neutral wording.

But Archie wasn’t really listening, more concerned by the look of mingled anger and confusion on Dan’s face.

“What?” He spat.

“He showed me the photo Nan had at her house of me and him and you, and our stories match up.”

Dan clenched his hands into fists, his face going red. “Bollocks!”

“It’s not bollocks!” Amy yelled. “It’s true. I asked Uncle Rob and he said it was true.”

“Yeah, well your uncle’s a twat,” Dan said.

“At least he never lied and told me my mum was mad and dangerous!” Amy yelled, her voice cracking.

Archie grabbed Billy’s wrist and clung to him, seriously considering finding something sharp and cutting himself.

“She _was_ mad and dangerous!” Dan roared back. “Look at her! The fucking mental fairy!”

“Don’t you dare call him that!” Billy yelled, jumping to his feet.

Archie let go of him and cowered on the sofa, hardly able to breathe. Finally seeming to realise that Archie was here, Dan stormed across the room and glared at Archie, looking at him with such loathing that he wanted to cry. Archie covered his face, scared he was going to hit him, just like that transphobic shit he once tried to go out with did.

“You pathetic weed!” Dan snarled, almost laughing. He turned to Billy, “And why’re you calling her a he? This is Annie, my wife until she went fucking mental and said she wanted to be a man. Had to get Amy away from a weirdo like that.”

This was too much for Archie, and apparently too much for Billy. As Archie broke down and started sobbing whilst also digging his fingernails painfully hard into his palms, Billy stormed across the room and grabbed the front of Dan’s T-shirt.

“Don’t you fucking dare, you massive twat!” He yelled, right in Dan’s face. “This is _Archie_ , and _he_ is a fucking man and he is not ‘fucking mental’! So shut your mouth right now and start treating him like the man he is, or I’ll twat you!”

Dan looked like he desperately wanted to argue, but was too scared to in case Billy hit him. Archie would have enjoyed seeing this expression on his face had he not been sobbing so violently.

“Come on, Arch, let’s get out of here,” Billy said, grabbing Archie’s arm and dragging him out of the house.

Archie watched Amy give her father a disgusted look, before following them out of the door.

\---

In the backseat of Billy’s car, Archie leaned his head against the window and closed his swollen eyelids, feeling absolutely exhausted. Tears were still leaking from his eyes, which he was certain were sore and bloodshot.

“I can’t believe him,” Amy said through gritted teeth. “I just can’t believe him.”

Archie could. His ex-husband was a bigoted wanker who hated anyone who differed from his view of what was normal.

“Is he asleep?” Billy asked.

Archie heard some scuffling sounds, and then Amy whispering, “I think so, yeah.”

He tried to be as still as possible, wanting to know what they would say if they thought he was asleep. Archie hoped it wasn’t anything bad.

“The poor thing,” Billy said, and he sounded genuinely sympathetic. “This really was the last thing he needed.”

“I know,” Amy said, sighing. “And I feel like such an idiot. I mean, how could I have thought Dad’d be understanding?”

“It’s not your fault,” Billy said, and his voice sounded hazy...

And then, suddenly, everything looked different. It was dark outside, and Billy was pulling the car over to the side of the road. He and Amy then turned around in their seats and glared at him, looking so angry that Archie tensed up, convinced he was going to get hurt.

“Go on, then,” Billy spat. “Get out!”

“What?” Archie said, not having a clue what was going on.

“I said get out! Fuck off and leave us alone, you pathetic old bastard!”

“Yeah,” Amy added. “I don’t want a mental weirdo for a dad – I mean a mum! After all, you’re not really a man, are you?”

They both started laughing, jeering and calling him names, and then something was shaking his shoulders and Archie wanted to die and he felt so fucking scared he—

“Archie? Archie!”

Archie awoke with a start. He breathed heavily, his heart pounding, his shirt sticking to him with sweat. His eyes full of tears, Archie stared up Billy, who had his hands on his shoulders. He looked as terrified as Archie felt, and that was when Archie realised he had been dreaming.

“Are you all right, mate?” Billy asked. “You looked like you were having a nightmare.”

Billy was stood up and leaning through the open door as he held onto Archie, who noticed that they were in a lay-by. Amy was sat beside him, and she looked like she wanted to cry. Archie blinked, and a couple of tears ran down his face.

“It’s all right,” Amy said softly, putting her arm around his waist.

“It was just a dream, Arch,” Billy said, handing him a tissue. “You’re safe. You’re with us.”

But Archie couldn’t help but worry that his nightmare would one day come true.

\---

The moment they got back to Billy and his mum’s house, Archie dashed up the stairs without speaking to anyone. He shut himself in the bathroom and locked the door, not wanting anyone to see this. He pulled a razor out of the packet he found under the sink, and started his well practised routine. He cracked the plastic casing and pulled one of the blades out of it, and rammed the rest into his pocket.

Clamping his lips together, Archie quickly pulled his sleeve up and made three small, thin cuts on his scarred forearm. He groaned, and then wrapped loads of toilet roll around his arm to stop the blood going everywhere. And then, after wiping his teary eyes, he rinsed the blood from his hands and went back downstairs.

“Where’ve you been?” Billy asked when he went back into the room.

“Bog,” he said, at least partially telling the truth.

“You’re really flushed, Arch,” Billy said, and Archie could almost see the cogs turning in his brain.

Before Archie had the chance to escape, Billy had grabbed his arm and pulled his sleeve up, exposing the blood soaked tissues. He sighed, and rubbed Archie’s back. Billy never got angry with him if he started cutting again, preferring to stay calm, and Archie was always grateful. Billy’s mum looked a bit sick as she saw the blood, but, thankfully, she didn’t say anything.

“Come on,” he said, “let’s get you sorted out.”

Billy put a hand on Archie’s back and led him into the kitchen, with Amy following behind them. Ever since they had found each other, Amy had insisted on helping Archie deal with his depression. So she was the one who cleaned and bandaged the cuts for him, whilst Billy patted his shoulder and Archie fought back tears.

“Sorry,” he said weakly.

“It’s all right,” Amy said, giving him a hug, as Billy squeezed his shoulder.

Archie blinked, and tears ran down his cheeks.

“Don’t cry!” Amy said quickly, shoving a tissue into his bloody hand.

“It’s all right, mate,” Billy said, looking so sad as he stared at Archie, which only made him feel worse.

“You don’t have the best family, do you, Amy?” He said, almost laughing despite the pain in his arm and the tears running down his cheeks. “One of your parents is a transphobic bastard, and the other’s totally fucking mental.”

“Don’t say that, Arch,” Billy said. “You’re not mental. You’re just not very well.”

“Stan things I’m mental.”

“Yeah, but Stan’s a wanker,” Billy muttered.

Archie stared at him, and, this time, he did laugh. He didn’t know why he was laughing, but he did know that it felt so good. He didn’t know when he had last laughed. Amy joined in, and then Billy did, and soon they were all laughing so loud that Billy’s mum came in to see if they were all right. And they weren’t all right, but Archie didn’t know that that really mattered.

And, as he looked at his best friend and his daughter and thought about his brother and the fact that he didn’t hate him despite the shit Dan had spread, Archie knew that things should be a lot easier to deal with them all by his side.


End file.
